Chapter 6

It was a cloudy morning on their fourth day together.  Heyes eyed the mule with dread as he saddled the horse.  He did not want to get back on that beast of burden.  His backside and his manly parts were taking a real beating from that animals back bone.  As though she could read his thoughts the mule raised her head and snorted in his direction.  She did move alot faster being lead by rein but he was not going to ride double with Evangeline.  That was just asking for trouble.  Especially after the reaction he had had to her closeness last night.  He scowled at the animal.  His restless night had him in a very foul mood.  Evangeline on the other hand had slept like the dead and was in a particularly sunny mood despite their current situation.

She was bright eyed and bushy tailed, as his grandpa used to say, when she came back from her morning trip to the creek, rifle in tow.  "I'm glad the sun is behind the clouds today.  Maybe it will give us a break from the heat.  I won't be needing your hat today so you can have  it back if you want."   She held it out to him.  He snatched it abruptly from her hand and looped the stampede strings around the saddle horn.  Then he angrily flipped it around to the other side of the saddle so he could finish tightening the saddle cinch. 

His sour disposition didn't go unnoticed.  Her eyebrows shot up in bewilderment.   Had she done or said something to make him mad?  She hoped not.  Maybe he was growing weary of her incessant crying and waking him in the night with her bad dreams.  Or maybe he was just plain weary of her.  Whatever the reason, she couldn't bear the thought of him in an unhappy mood.   "I'm sorry I woke you last night.  And I don't mean to cry like that all of the time.  I just can't help it.  I've never been one to have nightmares so many nights in a row.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I know I'm probably keeping you from getting the rest you need and I guess I'd be a little cranky too, if I had to deal with a blubbering ninny like me."  She fidgeted with the buttons on her shirt as  she stared down at the ground, waiting nervously for his response.

He hadn't realized how his foul mood might affect her and he was immediately sorry for the way he'd acted.  Now she was blaming herself for his less than chipper mood.  It wasn't her  fault he'd lain awake last night having improper thoughts about her.  He hung his head shamefully for a moment and then produced a smile that made her stomach flip flop.  "No, I'm the one who's sorry.  I'm not mad at you. I didn't get much rest last night, but it wasn't because of your bad dream. I've never been a real sound sleeper.   And if you didn't cry I'd think there was something wrong with you.   I'm just not looking forward to riding her for one more mile."  He stabbed his finger into the air in the mule's direction as he made the final adjustments to the saddle.

She felt better now, seeing him smile and knowing she hadn't done anything to make him upset.  "She has a name you know.  Her name is Jenny.  And she's very sweet."  She walked over to the mule and lovingly scratched her nose.   " Do you want to switch?  I could ride her today."

"You're already sore from the saddle.  You spend the day straddling her bony spine and you'll be hurting in unmentionable places."

She frowned at him, not sure what he meant at first.  "Ooohhh,  I see. Well there is another alternative.   We could ride double again.  You did say Jenny made better time being led."

"Uuhh, no, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why didn't you rest well last night?  Was it because you are sore in unmentionable places due to riding her bony spine?"

"Something like that."  It had to do with his unmentionable places alright, but not in the way she thought.

"Then it seems to me the only logical and practical thing to do is ride together. It will probably save us a day's ride." 

He knew she was right.  And how could he argue with her.  Hadn't he been the one preaching to her about putting propriety on the back burner.  And didn't it make sense to do whatever got them to safety the quickest.  Short of telling her the truth, there wasn't much he could say.

With a heavy sigh, he  walked over to the mule and took her lead rope and after removing his hat and placing it on his head, looped it around the saddle horn, then he gave the mule an affectionate swat to the rump. "Sorry, Jenny, looks like the honeymoon's over."

He pushed his hat back on his head and study her for a moment before he asked, "You sure you're alright with us riding this way?"  He was hoping she would give him an out.

"Is this the quickest way to get to Alpine and to safety?"  she asked hypothetically.

He didn't bother to answer. He had expected her to at least  pretend that she felt it was highly improper, and that she was only going along with it for the sake of making faster time to Alpine and saving him some discomfort.  But she hadn't.  Instead she seemed to be looking forward to riding double.  He supposed she felt safer this way.  But he was beginning to wonder if she was going to be safe from him.

Evangeline smiled victoriously to herself as she watched him take Jenny's lead and tie it to the saddle horn.   She was looking forward to riding again in the safety and comfort of his arms.  Listening to his deep voice so close in her ear.  She knew she should have at least  made the token protest  that was only befitting a proper young lady.  But like he had said, propriety had  to be put aside in these situations.

  

He was removing saddlebags from the horse to place across Jenny's back when he remembered the silk drawstring bag he'd placed inside days ago.  He dug it out and held it out to her.  "Here, I grabbed this that day..  Forgot I had stuck it in my bag.  I don't know why I grabbed it, it just looked like something that might be impo....."  he trailed off when he saw the expression on her face.  It was a mixture of shocked surprise and sorrow. 

  

She took the delicate pouch made of purple silk and held it protectively to her breast.   She walked silently off the trail and sank down onto the grass.  "I thought I'd never see this again."

He sat down beside her on the grass. She didn't speak but instead opened the pouch and began to remove objects one by one and lay them out on the ground before them. 

The Bible and this bag were all that she had left of her family.  "I was fascinated by this when I was a little girl.  Mama called it her memory bag.  Sometimes after I begged and pestered for hours she would let me take it out of her dresser drawer and look inside. This is the only tintype photograph that was ever made of my family.  I was eight and Gabe was two."  She stared at the faces in the photograph and ran her finger across the images of each face.  She looked closely for a moment at the face of the little girl in the photograph.  How different she was now from the innocent child she had been. 

 " This is a lock of my baby hair, and this is a lock of Gabe's."  Each was tied with a piece of silk ribbon, hers pink and his blue. " Daddy's pocket watch. It's the only thing he owned that had belonged to his father, William.    And these hair combs belonged to his mother, Ruth.  Mama used to let me wear them to church sometimes.  She told me they would be mine someday and that I should pass them on to my daughter."  The silver combs were encrusted with rhinestones and pearls.  "Mama's lavender scented soap." She smiled at the memory of her mother.  "For special occasions only,"  she quoted her mother. "This locket was a gift to my mother from her father on her sixteenth birthday."  She opened it revealing photos of a man and woman.  "This is a picture of my grandmother and grandfather."    Also inside was a silver handled hair brush and mirror, and several letters, tied together. "These are the love letters Mama and Daddy exchanged when they were secretly courting.  Mama told me she would let me read them one day when I was a married woman."    Once each memento had been lovingly examined she turned the silk back upside down and shook it.    A small shiny object fell out.  It was her mother's wedding ring.  "She didn't  want to wear it while we were traveling.  She was afraid she might lose it or damage it."   It was a simple sterling silver band.  Inside was inscribed the date, June 16, 1859.  The day they were married.  "Daddy used to tell us the story of how he won enough money to buy this ring for Mama in an all night poker game.  He had to lie to her about where he got the money because he had sworn to her he wouldn't gamble any more. But she found out anyway.  And she forgave him of course... like she always did."   As she slipped the ring onto her finger tears that she had been holding back began to slide down her cheeks.  She turned away from him.  She didn't want him to see the tears.  He must be so tired of her wailing and sobbing. 

But he did see and he found himself again acting on instinct.   He put his arm around her  and pulled her head onto his shoulder.  His small gesture caused the floodgates to open and  what started as a few tears became a waterfall.  She felt  oddly at peace as he held her in spite of the sorrow that also tore at her heart,  and she was able for the first time to think clearly about all that had happened to her. And she was able for the first time to truly accept that her family was gone.  She took a deep breath and lifted her head from his shoulder.  "Here I go again, blubbering like a ninny.   And I'm getting your shirt all wet."

"Hey, will you stop calling yourself that."  He took her face in his hands and wiped the tears with his thumbs.  "You can cry all the way to Red Rock if that's what you need to do.  I've still got one dry shoulder and two clean shirts in my saddle bag.  He reached behind her head and removed  the bandana she was using to tie her hair back and dabbed it at her runny nose.  She took it from him to finish the job herself. 

"I don't know how I would have survived all of this without you, Joshua.  Thank you."

After every object was safe and secure back inside the bag, Evangeline made her way  back to the horse.  She tucked her memory bag into  the saddlebag.  She would forever have the memories in the bag and the bittersweet ones that lived in her heart.  She silently said her goodbyes to her beloved family and to her past.   Her eyes peered over the saddle to land on the brown eyed man who, in a few short days,  had  become so vital in her life.  It was time to look toward the future. 

 She mounted the fiesty stallion who seemed impatient with waiting and tossed his regal head as if to say, "Come on fella, let's get moving."   Unable to avoid the inevitable any longer, Joshua, with a sigh of resignation, swung himself up into the saddle and settled himself behind her.  A serene smile crossed her face as his strong leather gloved hands came around her and took the reins, enclosing her in safety and comfort.   He on the other hand felt an uneasy tension begin to coil again in his belly.  Gun packing, poker playing, safe cracking genius. That's who you are.  You can handle a little thing like riding double with a pretty woman.           Once again his silver tongue was working its magic. He lifted his chin and straightened his spine, sitting a little taller in the saddle.  What was I getting so worked up about?  I'm Hannibal Heyes.  Former leader of the Devil's Hole Gang.  Women don't get to you, you get to them.  And this one is not going to get to you.  Just as long as that blasted hair of hers stays put.    On this sunless day, without his hat and without the bandana confining it, that blasted hair of hers was  falling loosely down her back and over her shoulders. As the horse began an easy trot southward,  a westerly wind began to blow.  A loose lock of her chestnut hair was lifted on the breeze and like a snake being charmed by the flute, danced on the wind before wrapping itself around his head, covering his eyes, nose and mouth.  She was completely unaware of what was happening and so he was forced to reach up and pull the wayward section of her silky mane  from across his face and lay it gently back over her shoulder.  Dark eyes again rolled  and a silent groan hung in his throat. 

"Is something wrong?"  she inquired over her shoulder.

"Nope.  Nothing at all."  At least nothing that a good stiff drink and trip upstairs at the next saloon wouldn't cure.   He urged the horse into a canter.  The quicker they got to town the better.  But for now it was going to be another long day of handling himself in the clinches.

                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then would they say,-"Dear child! why dream and wait for him longer?

Are there not other youths as fair as Gabriel? others

Who have hearts as tender and true, and spirits as loyal?

Here is Baptiste Leblanc, the notary's son, who has loved thee

Many a tedious year; come, give him thy hand and be happy !

Thou art too fair to be left to braid St. Catherine's tresses."

Then would Evangeline answer, serenely but sadly,-" I cannot !

Whither my heart has gone, there follows my hand, and not elsewhere.

For when the heart goes before, like a lamp, and illumines the pathway

Many things are made clear, that else lie hidden in darkness."

Evangeline sat by the fire as she read while Joshua stretched out on his back nearby, his hands behind his head.   They had ridden until early evening, stopping while the sun was still up.  They'd had just enough daylight left to go down to the creek and wash the dust off their faces and hands and do a little fishing.  After cleaning, cooking and eating their catch, they settled down by the fire as Evangeline continued the story.

    

"So everybody wants her to forget about Gabriel and marry somebody else."

"Yes.  She is far too beautiful and full of life and spirit to waste her time waiting and searching for a man she will probably never find.  At least that's what the townsfolk tell her."

"And let me guess.  She doesn't listen to them."

"Oh no.  If she did the story would end there."

"It really is a beautiful story.  The man had a way with words.  Thank you for sharing it with me.  I enjoy listening to you read it."

"I'm the one who should thank you for indulging me the way you have.  I'm glad you like it, Joshua.  Most men would have snarled their noses at the thought of listening to anything resembling poetry." 

"Well, I'm not most men, Evangeline."

Truer words had never been spoken.  Evangeline was beginning to think there was no one else in the world quite like Joshua Smith.  She looked over at her companion as he lay on his back looking up at the dark sky and smiled.  His life had been turned upside down because of her and yet he never complained.  He was always kind and considerate of her feelings.  Always trying to make her feel better and doing what was easiest for her.  He was funny, charming, smart and oh so handsome. He'd never mentioned a wife or a sweetheart who might be waiting for him.  He only mentioned Thaddeus.  Surely he would have mentioned it if he had either one.  Maybe she would get the courage up to ask him about it later.

Evangeline put the book away and took her spot beside him on her bedroll.  He had laid her bedroll out near his but not too close.  She wondered why.  She felt slightly disappointed that she wouldn't be able to sleep close to his warmth again tonight.  She had assumed they would sleep snuggled together again tonight.  But she knew he was probably just being a gentleman like always and not putting her on the spot by forcing her into such a situation.  And she certainly wasn't going to suggest that they share their blankets.   They lay on their backs looking up at  the sky which had been cloud covered all day long.  As if they knew the two weary travelers were watching, the clouds at that moment parted like the curtains on a stage and  revealed the unmatched beauty of an endless black sea of stars. 

"Silently one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven,

Blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels"

She quoted from the book she had just been reading from.

"See what I mean about his way with words.  I would have said 'the stars came out in the sky and they looked real pretty.'"

She laughed, thinking him very funny and charming. "Yes, you have to give Longfellow credit for the beautiful words, but you have to give God the credit for the beautiful stars."

He rolled over onto his side and looked down at her. "Speaking of God making beautiful things....did anybody ever tell you that you have beautiful hair?  I think it's the most beautiful hair I've ever seen."  He lifted one of her loose tresses which fanned out across the space between their bedrolls,  and wrapped it around his finger, caressing its softness.

She hoped the firelight wasn't bright enough to reveal the blush that now crept up her throat to cover her face.  She had been told many times that she was beautiful or pretty or lovely. Everywhere she'd gone with her mother, men had always looked their way with appreciation.  Of course her parents had always told her she was the prettiest girl in the world.  And her suitors had always lavished compliments on her.  But no one had ever told her she had beautiful hair. And no man had certainly ever touched her hair.  And out of all the compliments she had ever received, only this one from Joshua made her feel quivery inside her belly.   "No. I've never been told that before."

"Well, I'm telling you now.  You have beautiful hair."

"Thank you.   But  I know it's a filthy tangled mess right now.  You don't have to say that to make me feel better."

"I'm not.  It really is beautiful.  Even tangled and a little dirty."

"Well, if you think it's beautiful now, you'd think it was absolutely magnificent if you could see it washed and brushed.  I haven't had a real bath in days."

"Well, maybe tomorrow we can remedy that and go down to the river and dunk ourselves.  You can use some of that nice smelling soap.  I declare tomorrow a special occasion.  And you've got a hair brush now too."

"Maybe I can change clothes too.  These are pretty dusty."

"We'll see."

He continued to play with her hair.  He liked the way it felt against his skin.  Not only was it prettier than Clem's it was softer too.    He really shouldn't be touching her like this.  It wasn't proper and it wasn't smart.  "Careless in the clinches, Heyes. Careless in the clinches."  The Kid's face danced before his eyes saying the words.  He also liked the way her storm colored eyes almost twinkled when she read from that book she was named after.  In fact there wasn't much about her he didn't like. "Careless, careless."  He'd ridden all day with her bottom in those form-fitting pants against his thighs and her breasts grazing his arms as he held the reins, and that glorious hair blowing in his face.   The Kid's face disappeared and his voice wasn't heard anymore.  All he could focus on was her mouth and how much he wanted to kiss it.  What was he thinking?  Alright, Heyes, you're an odds player.  What are the odds that if you kiss her she won't slap your face?  Umm, judging from the way she's looking at you, odds are she won't.  Alright then, what are the odds that she'll let it go further than just a kiss?  Umm, odds are that won't happen either, because she's too young and innocent.   So what are the odds that if you kiss her  and it ends there you'll end up spending most of the night in cold creek water and you'll feel like a complete ass for taking advantage of a vulnerable young woman , who doesn't deserve to be taken advantage of.   Umm, odds are pretty good that's what will happen.  So if the odds favor a bad outcome what do you do?  You throw in your hand, that's what!  So put the hair down and back away. He let the soft hair fall from his fingers as he quickly turned away from her and onto his  back and in a more abrupt tone than he intended said, "Time to get some sleep, night." 

She'd  held her breath as she watched him watching her.  His dark eyes had gazed into hers so deeply and intensely , she couldn't look away. When his gaze had  shifted to her mouth she thought for a moment that he wanted to kiss her.  And she wanted him to.  She was afraid for him to but she still wanted him to.  She had dreamed of the day she would be kissed by a man.  A real kiss.  She had been kissed by boys before.  But they were all quick chaste pecks on the lips.  She wanted a kiss like the ones she'd seen her parents share.  Lingering open mouthed kisses full of passion.   And she was so hoping this was going to be the moment and Joshua was going to be the man.  But he had very quickly and abruptly turned away from her.  Her feelings were a little hurt.  But what had she expected him to do.  Sweep her into his arms and kiss her passionately.  He was a gentleman, he wouldn't take advantage of her like that. Not when his mind was probably preoccupied with their safety and survival.  Besides she still didn't know for sure if he had a lady love waiting for him somewhere.    "Do you have a wife or a sweetheart somewhere waiting for you?"  She slammed her hand over her mouth. She had blurted it out before she could stop herself and wanted desperately to grab the words from mid air and stuff them back into her mouth.  She squeezed her eyes shut waiting for the answer. 

"Nope. Neither one."

"I'm sorry.  That was very rude of me to pry like that."   She just wasn't satisfied with being rude once.  A silent pause.   "Why not?"

He said nothing.  How could he explain that one.  "Well, you see,  when you're a wanted man and you're running from the law, it's kind of hard to commit to anyone or anything.  Especially when you're Hannibal Heyes and you're worth ten thousand dollars, DEAD OR ALIVE."   That was the real answer, but not the answer he could give her, and certainly not the answer she was prepared to hear.  So he settled for "It's complicated."

"You just haven't met the right girl yet, huh?"

"It's not that simple.  Thaddeus and me, well we move around alot.  Never stay put in one place too long.  It's hard to think about settling down when you're always moving from place to place."

"And you move around alot because you don't really have a place to call home do you?  You know what it's like to lose your family too, don't you, Joshua."

He was silent for a long moment.  Then he rolled back onto his side and propped his head on his elbow and looked down at her.  "Yes, I know what it's like."

"What happened?"

"My entire family was killed in the border wars, during the war between the states.  Thaddeus and I had been down by the creek playing all day.  We came home and found his place burning, his whole family dead.  I ran to my folk's farm and found the same thing there.  Everything was burned to the ground except the barn at Thaddeus' place."  He paused for a moment and stared off into the distance as if he were reliving the whole thing over again.  She was overwhelmed with an urge to hug him and comfort him.  His voice was steady and almost devoid of emotion as he continued,   "We stayed in that barn for a few days until the sheriff and some other folks  finally came out and found us.  Then they shipped us out west to the Valparaiso Home for Waywards."

"Oh, Joshua, I'm so sorry.  And you..."  She fell silent as she suddenly remembered her hateful words on that first morning when she had accused him of having no idea how she felt.  No wonder he was so understanding and considerate of her.  He knew exactly how she felt.  And he had only been a child.  She was suddenly ashamed of herself.  At least she had been given the opportunity to grow to adulthood before she lost her family.  Joshua had not.  "Oh, Joshua, I'm so sorry.  Please forgive me.  That morning when I said that you had no idea how I felt...."

He held up his hand to stop her.  "It's alright.  You didn't know."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Now is that what you really needed to hear?  The last thing you needed was a "you think you got it bad" story.  It just wasn't the right time."

"How old were you?"

"I was about ten years old and Thaddeus was almost nine."

"And you've been taking care of each other ever since, right?"

"That's right. He's all I've got and I'm all he's got. That's why I'm so anxious to get to Alpine so I can send him a telegraph.  I know he's going to be worried now that I'm late and he's just liable to set out looking for me.  I would have been there by now if things had went as planned.  But I think we're going to be a couple of days late."

"I'm sorry.  I know I'm slowing you down."

"Will you stop saying your sorry all the time.  None of this is your fault, Evangeline.  It's those miserable cutthroat's who are to blame, not you."  His face clouded over with anger as he thought about what  those, he hated to even call them men, had done.  "Besides, Thaddeus will get over me being a little late.   Oh, he'll act real mad and fuss and yell a little bit, might even threaten to kill me, but it won't last long.  You know things might have turned out alot different if he'd been with me that day."

"Why is that?"

"Because if he'd been with me, none of those men would have gotten away without a bullet in him somewhere.  But none of them would be dead either.   Thaddeus can shoot the head off  a rattlesnake from 10 yards in one shot.  He's fast too.  Fastest draw I've ever seen.  You know I'd probably have gotten myself killed by now if it wasn't for him."

"You mean he's better with a gun than you are?  You hit three of those men from alot further than 10 yards."

"I just wanted to wound them all, but I killed one on accident and missed one completely.  But Thaddeus, he would have disabled every man with a bullet placed exactly where he wanted it to go."  She didn't miss the smile on his face and the note of pride in his voice as he talked about his friend's skill with a gun. 

"You've never killed anyone before have you?"  

The smile faded from his face and he rolled over onto his back again and stared up at the stars.  "No," he said somberly.

It was her turn to lay on her side and stare down at him.  Taking another person's life, no matter what kind of person they had been couldn't be an easy thing to live with.   "You didn't mean to kill him, Joshua.  You were trying to help us that's all.  It's not your fault. Besides, he would have probably ended up getting killed by someone else eventually anyway. Or hanged."  Now she was the one who looked angry.  Her eyes turned a dark stormy gray as she thought about the unmerciful treatment her family had suffered at the hands of the dead man and his cohorts.   "If you ask me he only got what he deserved,  the no good, thieving, murdering outlaw!"

Ouch.  That hit Heyes where it hurt.  To hear her talk about thieving outlaws made him remember just who and what he was. Although he was no murderer he knew she wouldn't think any better of him than she did of those murderers if she knew who he really was.   An outlaw.  Wanted, dead or alive. But it also reminded him that men had lots of reasons for becoming outlaws.  He didn't know the dead man's story,  and now no one would because of him.   It was a bitter pill to swallow.

"I apologize.  I shouldn't speak out in anger like that.   Daddy always said  I inherited mama's Scottish temper and I let it  get the better of me sometimes.  It's just that I wish they were all dead.  They should be the ones buried out in that valley, not my parents and my brother."  She ground the last words out between clenched teeth. 

 "Well, they're not buried.  They're still out there, I'm afraid.  Which is why we need to get some sleep.  We've got some hard riding ahead of us tomorrow. I want to get as close to town as possible tomorrow."

"Yes, I know.  I'll stop blabbering now.  Blabbering on is another of my more endearing Scottish traits, I'm afraid. I just hate to think of you carrying around any guilt, Joshua.  You didn't mean to kill him.  Another thing my daddy always said, 'You always have a choice.  Everything that happens to us is the consequence of a choice we make.'  Well, that man chose the kind of life he lived  and he paid for it with his life.  His death was the result of poor choices he made, not your aim.    So don't feel guilty, alright. " She leaned across the space that separated their bedrolls and planted a quick kiss on his dimpled cheek.  "Good night, Joshua," she said as she turned her back to him and burrowed into her blanket.

"'Night, Evangeline."  

He lay awake for a long time listening to the sound of her breathing, thinking about what she had said.  Choices.  How many wrong ones had he made in his life?  Dozens?  Hundreds?  He had chosen to become a pick pocket when he was fourteen.  He'd chosen to run away from the home at fifteen.  He'd chosen to learn the art of picking locks, so he and his friends could rob businesses at sixteen.   He had chosen to leave Jed behind and start riding with the Plummer gang at eighteen.  He'd chosen to become the master of safe cracking by the age of twenty.  He'd chosen to introduce Jed to the business at twenty-one.    He'd chosen to be the leader of the Devil's Hole gang at twenty-three.  He'd chosen the path that had led him to being one of the most notorious, most wanted, most feared outlaws in the west.  Once, the fact that he was worth $10,000 dead or alive made his chest swell with pride. Once, the fact that there were dime novels in every general store, with grandiose tales of his exploits, brought a smug smile to his face.  But now, when every nickle and dime outlaw tried to cash in on your name.  Every two bit con man tried to imitate your work.  And every law man in the western half of the nation would give his first born to turn you in for the glory of having captured Hannibal Heyes. And every bounty hunter wanted to hunt you down for the price on your head, it no longer became a source of pride. Instead it was a huge obstacle in the path that lead to having a normal life. He looked over at the young woman sleeping not a yard away.  Everyday that he spent with her made him want that normal life even more.  That's why the amnesty was so important to him and the Kid.   Being wanted had become a  tremendous burden that was like a bag of rocks around his neck.  And he was tired of carrying it around.